Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Empathic/Emotional Manipulator

How many of you have been at the receiving end of a manipulator's words? How many of you have had abusive and/or destructive relationships? How many of you have found themselves in cycles of abuse, seemingly out of your own control? And how many of you, if you are honest with no one else but yourself, came close to dying because of this pattern of abuse and your own personal lack of self esteem/self confidence in your own abilities and strengths? (you don't have to post an answer to these questions. they are asked merely to make you think)

How many of you, even before this pattern of abuse rose into your teenage/adult lives, were abused in some way? I would say a majority of you have suffered some form or another, something that chipped away at your already eroded self esteem and pushed you further down into the mud. And in this statement, let me say, that gender and age do not apply. This is a universal statement, and it includes me.

Now lets look at both you and the empathic manipulator, which is the topic of this blog.

An Empathic Manipulator can be a number of things, but at their base, they are Empaths which have twisted their abilities to suit narcissistic or Machiavellian tendencies. What does this mean exactly? It means that these types of people have no qualms about using others through manipulation to further their own goals and attain their own pleasures. The basis of this shallow empathy is selfishness and personal gain.

And in order to do this, people with these tendencies have learned, like we have, to observe humans on an emotional level, in order to use that to their own benefit.

These can come in many different forms. One would be a man who scams money out of women, by playing on the love the woman feels for them. They romance them, seduce them, and then leave when they have what they want.

Another would be any person who is an abuser in a relationship. Lets look at a pattern of abuse. It starts slowly with romance, flattery, and seduction. Then it escalates into a period where the one being abused is slowly isolated from family and friends, their emotional support structure. Then, the chipping away of the self esteem can begin in earnest. It might start out with slurs like 'your fat', 'no one else but me loves you', or any other of a myriad of choices. From here, it could escalate even further into violence.

But why is this person doing this? How are they able to read the self mutilating tendencies of the victim? How could they have known that this particular person was ripe for this kind of treatment, because somewhere deep within them, they believe they deserve no less?

It is unspoken, and often times, unrealized consciously that people who have low self esteem radiate that attitude, drawing to them, like flies to honey, the abusive personality type. So just as we draw to us those in need of help, so to does the abuser draw those looking for such a relationship to them. It is two sides of a coin, in that they do the exact opposite of us, using the same ability. For us it is symbiotic, while for the abusive relationship it is parasitical.

Now we come to the crux of this blog. What does this have to do with any of you? We all have choices in our lives, whether to be a victim, whether to be a manipulator, whether to be a strong individual who values themselves enough to rise above such lifestyles.

Being an empath does not mean you are a victim, unless you allow yourself to be. Nor does it mean that you are a manipulator, unless you let yourself be. Being an Empath is neither good nor evil, light nor dark. It is a gift, a state of being. What you do with it determines whether it is good or bad, in the end. Everything rises out of your choices. And even if you chose wrongly at one time in your life, it does not mean you have to be this forever, whether you chose the manipulator or the victim role. You only wear this shroud for as long as you let it define you. But once you moved beyond that, finding your own worth, strength, and self confidence, you will not be defined by it any longer. You will find within yourself the ability to live beyond definitions, to the person that you truly are.

Sometimes, though, this can only occur after hitting rock bottom with a wound that you can't imagine healing, even over the span of a lifetime. Sometimes that wound is the catalyst to awakening you to see beyond such sadistic dualities as manipulator and victim, to the person that waits to be acknowledged just beneath the surface.

This blog may not apply to some. But reading this will help you be a little bit more aware of the people around you, their tendencies, and their innate abilities, for better or worse.

Here are 8 signs that you might be dealing with an Emotional Manipulator/Empathic Manipulator:

1. There is no use in trying to be honest with an emotional manipulator.
2. An emotional manipulator is the picture of a willing helper.
3. Crazy making - saying one thing and later assuring you they did not say it.
4. Guilt. Emotional manipulators are excellent guilt mongers.
5. Emotional manipulators fight dirty.
6. If you have a headache an emotional manipulator will have a brain tumor!
7. Emotional manipulators somehow have the ability to impact the emotional climate of those around them.
8. Emotional manipulators have no sense of accountability.

For a more detailed explanation of this list check out the link below:

Here are also a few links to signs of Emotional Manipulators:


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