Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Questioning Of An Empath

Do you ever question whether your going insane? Have you ever been called 'to touchy' or 'hypersensitive'? Do all of those swirling emotions flowing through you and within you feel like a gushing waterfall that can not be shut off, but upon reflection, you discover that its not you that is really feeling them?

Do you set yourself apart from society, because you can find no place within it which you can call your own? Were you abused? What about being ostracized, except perhaps when people were in need of a gentle ear and a wise voice?

Can you feel alone in a sea of people, and be at your best when you stand alone?

Do things make more sense when you do it yourself, instead of having it explained to you? Is it easier to understand when you see, hear, touch, and do on your own, instead of being lectured on something's application?

Do movies and music, and even art and writing, tug at your heart strings not just once, but every time you see and hear it, callling you back to revisit it over and over again?

Are you an artist in your own right, whether it is magical spell woven through words or through visual stimulation? Can you paint a picture as clearly with words, as with any other artistic application?

Do you encase yourself in a cocoon, insulating yourself in isolation, just to rid yourself of the backdrop of emotions which flow through you at an overwhelming speed? Have you ever thought of taking your own life because the weight of those emotions was simply to much for one person's psyche to bear? Have you ever cut yourself in order to staunch the pain inside, and make you feel anything other than that? Or thrown up your food, not because you necessarily find yourself obese, but because it brought a sense of control to your life which you could find no where else?

Have you ever felt lost, even when everything seems to be going your way? As though you are flowing along a course you did not chart for yourself? Have you ever been afraid, for no reason at all? Perhaps to the point of panic attacks?

Do you have low self esteem and self confidence because nothing makes sense in your world? And everyone and everything around you tells you that you are naught but insane because you overreact emotionally? Its as though the external world has no understanding of the type of person you are, so you are labeled crazy.

Do you feel as though you are cursed with some malady which has no rhyme or reason, much less a name?

Do you look into the mirror sometimes and realize that you do not recognize the person who is starring back at you? That those eyes are a stranger's eyes and those breaths being taken, which raise and lower the chest in the mirror, are not your own?

Are you detached from people, deemed a loner or an isolationist? Do you find people, other than family, are transient beings who do not stay in your life forever? Is a relationship with another person something so difficult that you tend to shy away from it, be it in friendship or as a lover? Do you have commitment issues, even if you had a healthy family life?

Now tell me, can you feel the sadness behind all of these words I am writing right now? Can you feel the deep morose mourning behind the facade of questions here? Even as you read it, and questioned yourself about it in your mind, did you feel a deep sense of loss that you could not quite place? Did it churn in your stomach or choke up your heart and throat?

What is an Empath and are each of you one? You tell me.

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