Saturday, August 15, 2009

Soul Integration Of An Empath

I remember a time when there were parts of me that I was so ashamed of I hid them not only from the world, but I denied their existence even to myself. And because of those things I was left feeling impotent and stagnant in my growth and development. I felt as though I were going no where, stuck in the grips of a shadowland of my own making. And then one day I wrote this and its meaning, then, wasn't quite as clear to me as it is today.

Coven of the Heart

I dream of splendor in blissful rest,
calm and serene in heavenly quest,
seeking tranquility in illusion unbound
and peaceful surrender to the silence of sound.
No glimmering globes of light overhead,
no shimmering orbs with the sun in its bed.
The infinite ethereal darkening dreamscape
collapses in on itself, foretelling its fate.
The land turns to muck and ash covers the ground
and the dried husks of trees encircle me round,
enclosing me in a ring of the ancients
where the wind howls as though losing its patience.
And then as the world still, they come in procession,
cloaked in their robes they stand at attention.
And from within the circle of trees that enclose,
they encircle me and cast off my cloths.
Skyclad I stand, bare to the world,
thrust into the circle, my secrets are hurled.
'See the true me', I say to them all,
'Cast not your judgment for I will not fall'.
In silence they commune with spirits of old,
debating the theory of drawing me into their fold.
A fire burst forth from a hearth long left bare,
illuminating my flesh and the secrets that they share.
And into that moment I am cast adrift in a storm,
For their faces, now lit, show me the truth,
that all of them, each, are stages of my youth.
Each one stands as a half forgotten remnant,
and individual aspect long ago fragmented.
And in that moment I implore them to come
and join me, instead, to see what we become.
And as each single fragment is incorporated within
flooding back memories of good and of sin,
interconnected and rewoven whole,
the tapestry is complete within the body of my soul.
The pain of remembrance, though scary at first,
bring me the completion of a journey's long thirst.
The flames and the darkness disappear with the morn,
and I awaken in splendor to savor with relish,
my life now reborn.


Its focus was written from the perspective of a young Pagan searching for their own identity at the time. But its meaning holds clear for anyone, if they wish to search for it.

I was afraid to face those parts of me that I could not see anymore, because I had buried them so deep within me that only my subconscious mind could access them and make me feel them through dreams of running away from something horrible. And that scary horrible thing in the dream, was me.

Just recently a friend told me something very profound. He said to me, 'Why worry when it is your soul that is guiding you where you need to be.' I wonder if he knew if that was exactly what I needed to hear at the time, because I am going through a transformation of my own. I wonder if he knows how profound his words were to me. And I wonder if he knows how grateful I am for those simple words.

My spirit is reconnecting with itself in its totality. It is erasing the need for ego and the cravings for unnecessary things. It is on a path that few I've met care to embrace, for it is a hard and rocky road at the best of times.

As an Empath it is hard to integrate all of this into my being when I am so prone to helping others before myself. Even though I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that i am just as important as anyone else in the need for healing, it does not change my calling in life which is to teach, to heal, and to expand other people's minds.

Its hard because it means I must give up so much of this world which I have come to rely on and care deeply for. But at the same time it is something I have been working toward all of my life, without even realizing it.

I am devout in the belief that this is the path I must walk, even as part of me fights it tooth and nail. Complete surrender for untold freedoms.

This is part of my story and part of my journey. What about yours?

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