Sunday, November 1, 2009
Acceptance and giving up
Questions sound interesting to me. They are thought provoking and are responsible for starting an interesting journey of self realization. But the real question is, Are we asking a right question? Allow me to ask you few.
Tell me what is that thing, which is not acceptable to you? Have you analyzed those things that you accepted and living with? Do you think the things that you took granted are actually acceptable if you see yourself as a different person? I used things to denote situations, feelings and people or even any other thing.
My friend Rita's father treated her bad. He never considered her and she was always insulted. As a kid she didn't have a choice in anything. All her life she lived like some one else and She accepted her identity as she was treated.
Long after when she was financially independent, we were passing through a shop and she was staring at a coat passionately in the shop's display. Our discussion was like this,
Rita: I love that coat, I am watching it since Monday.
Me: If you love it that much why don't you buy it?
Rita: I don't think I can wear a coat that expensive.
Me: It's not that expensive that you cannot afford.
Rita: Its waste of money.
Me: You love it. Don't you?
Rita: I do.
After a long discussion she finally bought the item but she felt guilty for expending that kind of money on a coat? To tell you it was not that expensive. But as a child once she asked her father to buy her a dress and his reaction was, Do You want THAT dress? It made her feel like, she was not worth it and those expensive dresses are for people superior to her. She carried the impression of what her father thinks of her and how he judges her. And she accepted it.
I asked her one day after listening to all that she said. Why do you think you don't deserve it? What makes you think you are not worth it? I know you for long, you don't have any bad habits and you never spend money unnecessarily, why are you feeling so guilty and unworthy? You probably need to work on your self esteem honey.
I was angry when I said those words. I disliked the way she spoke with out self confidence and self respect. She was hurt but didn't say anything. I apologized her for being blunt and rude and we talked for long about her feelings and the way she was treated and the way she was made to believe. She cried long understanding that she was made to feel bad about herself and how she was carrying impressions of others. Later we worked on how to get rid of things that blocked her self-esteem. Now she forgot every pain of her past and forgave everyone and she is healed, healthy, and confident and feels happy and beautiful.
Internally we are soldiers and we fight battles every minute of our lives. Whether we are sitting in sofa and trying to get a glass of water or those silly bellies who want to walk a mile or the students who need to read a pile.. We know that in order to improve our health say we must stop eating junk. Our mind (the rationalizing part) screams inside telling us what should be done? And we sit before the TV, doing what we want. We never observe that the self (turned into the 'me' part or the ego) is taking over our rational thinking and we are ignoring things we should not.
Self acts as a bridge between heart and mind. And it maintains the balance, but when ego takes over, it ignores and thrashes, the mind which can tell us what is better and the heart where we feel. And we become the victim of Ego. We accept things that we should not and ignore things that we should accept. We feel good when we do something we want but ignoring a feel factor does not hurt your heart. We confuse our feel good factor with hurting our feelings. That is not true. What we feel is different from what we want. If you observe those things we want, sometimes they make us feel guilty. That means our heart is not feeling great about things we want. Our mind always warns us about the consequences of doing certain things. When we can guard our self turning into ego we can respect our mind and move towards doing things that are good for us. When we don't feel like doing them or your ego is taking over. You can simply talk to our heart or self and tell her that you cannot eat or can do something right now because it is not doing good for our purpose or goal or work or any related thing.
If you can imagine a child in place of your heart, what will you do for your child when the child is eating something that harms it? You talk to the child and tell her how harmful that is and make her understand that it is harmful. The child will understand that she is making a good decision by not taking the harmful food. The disappointment of giving up will become pride when she realizes that she took a better decision which is praised by her mother. Have such an understanding with your heart. Talk to her always. If she becomes a problem child, you must understand that she needs attention and taking over her is hurting her, you must listen to your heart and help her with acceptances and giving ups. You must respect your rational mind and as a mother communicate with your heart and never take over mind or heart as a bad father. You cannot afford the risk of your heart and mind abandoning you.
Now ask the question why do people obsess? Why our minds suddenly become blank and don't remember? The truth is our heart and mind love us and they don't and can't abandon us all together but because of our behavior they suffer and they get affected. You are not ruling your heart and mind. You are nurturing them as a mother. Ego is a bully, we don't need bullies we want friends. Never let your self turned into ego.
Observing the malfunctions of heart and self can make our mind more sharp and improves their performance.According to Bhagavadgita, a Hindu scripture the place where we should keep God or the place of God is the mind.And if he can reside in it we always take good decisions.
I know acceptance and giving up are the two difficult things to learn and do. But we are strong enough to do that.