Friday, May 28, 2010

Empaths: How Is Your Self Esteem?

Let's talk about self esteem. One of the biggest issues Empaths suffer from is low self esteem. And even though this does not speak to everyone, it does speak to a vast majority.

This blog is about self discovery and potential healing for you. When you have actual answers to questions staring you in the face, something telling you that you have low self esteem, it's harder to deny it. And then you start thinking and you begin to look for resources to help change that. And that is the ultimate point of this discussion, to offer you help.

First I'd like to show you some symptoms of low self esteem. Please understand these are not all of the symptoms, and one does not have to have all of these to have low self esteem. Nor is this a medical and/or psychological assessment of low self esteem.

Some Symptoms Of Low Self Esteem

• Negative self-talk. You may constantly put yourself down and say things about yourself that you would never say about someone else.


• Frequently apologizing. You may take the blame for things that are not your fault.


• Focusing on your flaws. You see every little imperfection in yourself, and forget to notice what is good.


• Reject positive comments. If someone pays you a compliment, you respond with a negative statement such as, “No, I haven’t really lost that much weight.” Or “This old thing? I’ve had it
forever.”


• Avoiding risk. You cling to what is familiar and are afraid to try new things. You talk yourself out of doing things that might raise your self-respect, such as returning to school or
changing jobs.


• Avoiding eye contact. You have a hard time looking other people in the eye.


• Constantly seeking approval from others. You don’t feel satisfied until you know you have gotten approval or reassurance from other people. You are constantly asking others if they are mad at you or if they love you.


• Pessimism. You expect bad things to happen to you. You don’t notice the good things that happen to you on a daily basis.



Now I'd like to offer you some quizzes on self esteem. The first one is a link to a really great self esteem quiz. The second one has been copied and pasted here for you to view at your leisure.
Self Esteem Quiz

Self Esteem Quiz
By Thelma Mariano

1. I allow myself to make mistakes, realizing that we all learn from failure.

a) never or hardly at all b) sometimes c) frequently d) very often


2. My value as a person depends greatly on what others think of me.
a) never or hardly at all b) sometimes c) frequently d) very often


3. Whether I’m celebrating a success or getting through a rough period, I “reward” myself in self-defeating ways, e.g. overeating, drinking too much, or going on a spending spree when I am already in debt.
a) never or hardly at all b) sometimes c) frequently d) very often


4. I have trouble asking others for favours and tend to apologize a lot.
a) never or hardly at all b) sometimes c) frequently d) very often


5. I’d rather keep an unsatisfactory item than return it to the store. In a restaurant I’ll eat a meal, even if it isn’t what I ordered, rather
than return it to the waiter.

a) never or hardly at all b) sometimes c) frequently d) very often


6. I berate myself for saying or doing the wrong thing, calling myself “stupid.”
a) never or hardly at all b) sometimes c) frequently d) very often


7. I would do something against my better judgment rather than risk another person’s disapproval.
a) never or hardly at all b) sometimes c) frequently d) very often


8. When I look at myself in the mirror, I see only my flaws.
a) never or hardly at all b) sometimes c) frequently d)very often


9. I think of how my life would improve if only I were smarter or better looking.
a) never or hardly at all b) sometimes c) frequently d) very often

10. I graciously accept compliments and praise instead of tossing them aside.
a) never or hardly at all b) sometimes c) frequently d) very often


11. I do things which nurture, strengthen and relax my body.
a) never or hardly at all b) sometimes c) frequently d) very often


12. I am able to accept my vulnerable feelings like sadness, fear or anxiety.
a) never or hardly at all b) sometimes c) frequently d) very often


13. When I need comfort, I am able to turn to friends or family and let them know how I feel.
a) never or hardly at all b) sometimes c) frequently d) very often


14. I am comfortable expressing my angry feelings.
a) never or hardly at all b) sometimes c) frequently d) very often


15. I am able to assert my needs and wants with family members, colleagues or my partner.
a) never or hardly at all b) sometimes c) frequently d)very often


16. I recognize and value my need for solitude or “quiet time.”
a) never or hardly at all b) sometimes c) frequently d) very often


17. I actively pursue and maintain friendships with people I truly like.
a) never or hardly at all b) sometimes c) frequently d) very often


18. I balance my life with pleasure and fun, recognizing that I work harder when I am well rested.
a) never or hardly at all b) sometimes c) frequently d) very often

SCORING
Now add up all your points as shown below.

question 1: a-1, b-2, c-3, d-4
questions 2 through 9: a-4, b-3, c-2, d-1
questions 10 through 18: a-1, b-2, c-3, d-4


RESULTS



1-18 POOR
You rely heavily on other people’s opinions and find it
hard to assert yourself in your professional or personal
life. You are so anxious to please others that you
often ignore your own needs and wants. You are also
prone to rewarding yourself in self-destructive ways
(e.g. overeating). It is important for you to do things that
will nurture you – such as reading a book, swimming, walking
in nature or just listening to music.



19-36 FAIR
Although you make sure that you honour your commitments to
others, you are often self-critical and overly
demanding of yourself. You are quick to blame yourself
when things go wrong. Learn to be more tolerant of
your own mistakes and pay less attention to what others
may think. You do manage to find time for what’s important
in your life, which gives you a feeling of satisfaction.



37-54 GOOD
You know who you are and what you need to be happy and
usually are willing to take the time to do something
that will fulfill you. You are always trying to
improve yourself and surround yourself with supportive
friends or family. You see your strengths but may
need to learn to work with your weaknesses. For example, you may
have a short attention span and work best in spurts. By
recognizing this and giving yourself frequent breaks,
you will be more productive.



55-72 EXCELLENT
Congratulations! You have a deeply developed sense of self
and are self-nurturing. You respect your own feelings
as well as those of others and have no qualms about
turning to friends or family when you are in need of
comfort. You are patient with yourself. If you feel a
resistance to doing something, you get to the root of your
feelings instead of forcing yourself to go ahead. You lead a
healthy, well-balanced life.



Now that we've seen some symptoms of low self esteem and have been exposed to some quizzes about the level of our self esteem, lets look at some resources about how to improve it.

Resources For Healthy Self Esteem Building:

The Confidence Manual
How To Build Self Confidence: 6 Essential & Timeless Tips
Building Self Confidence
Building Self Esteem & Confidence
Life With Confidence: A Positive Way Of Thinking
25 Killer Actions To Boost Your Self Confidence
Building Self Esteem & Self Confidence
Building Self Esteem: A Self Help Guide
Building Self Confidence (another website)
How To Build Self Confidence

2 comments:

  1. Wooww..thanks for this wonderful article, you made me inspired while reading this post:-). Because of your nice and wonderful article I will give you some article that will help you on how to building self-esteem and this is my secret of my success.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is a great post. I have a self esteem building website and I have found your information very useful in effectively building someone's awareness of their self esteem and building it. Great job!
    Thanks,
    Michelle

    ReplyDelete