Friday, October 21, 2011

The Empathy Of Nothing

"I am nothing.  I am nobody.  I am garbage.  I am a waste of space.  The air that I breath is wasted and would be better spent on someone more worthy than I.  My very existence has no meaning...other than to be a burden upon others."

It's comments like these that repel people.  It smacks of low self esteem and low self worth, doesn't it?  These are the words, often whispered in the voices of those who have cut us down verbally before, that repeat, almost like a mantra, in our heads in order to hold us back.

The ironic thing about this is upon hearing these comments, whether from someone else's lips or from our own brains, our survival skills kick in.  A kind of flight or fight response ensues, in which we deny it emphatically and jump to our own defense.  And in so doing, we seek to convince ourselves of it's untruth, much more than others, because the simple accusation laid to bear is enough to crack the safe box of reality we wrap ourselves in, where we deny any flaws or issues we might have.  It hides the question that no one, not even those considered to have high self esteem, wishes to face.  What if those whispers are right?

Wednesday, July 27, 2011


Inquisitive thought inspired by the stop of time
Long lost meaning bleeding through the pages line by line
The ink gives structure to an otherwise confusing reality,
Drawing blood from the perception of mortality while
Simultaneously existing in a world fixed in duality.

An angel smiles at the dawning of the day
A voiceless whisper illuminates me back to guide my way
Her crystal tears wash away yesterdays sin
Sweeps it up in in the soft and gentle hands of the wind,
Never Again to reflected on the face of my kin.

Purple highlights entangles in a blaze of orange glow
Minute by minute, second by second I began to let go
Echoes of a dream reflected in her shine
Line by line Illustrated in this painted rhyme

Moment by moment the constellations began to die
Your song the hymn as the stars start to cry
A vision of light rips realities seam
A path illuminated by a crystal beam
Shows me the way back from this dream

Ever so slowly I began to understand
Your voice was the light that took me by the hand
Twisting my perception you continuously call me home
Behind the restrictions of life that have become overgrown
Reminding me always... your never alone.

Friday, July 8, 2011

The Empath Community and I

About four years ago I was looking up the word Empath, hoping to find a place where I could meet other people like myself. I did that periodically over the years I've been online...usually to no avail. But this time I came across a place called Empath Community.

It's owner embraced me, as did it's members. And after sometime, it felt like a second home and my connection with those people much like a close nit family. We laughed together. We cried together. And we learned with one another through study and sharing. Even now, years later, each and every one of those people, from owner to lurkers, still mean a great deal to me for what each of them, in turn, offered to me by way of friendship, compassion, understanding and friendship. They were my teachers and my guides along the road of self discovery that I walked. And quite a few of them were the inspiration for many of the blogs on EP.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Is Empathy Really a Gift?

Is Empathy Really a Gift?

     A lot of people believe Empathy is a gift. I don’t go that far, I just identify with the term in a lot of different ways but the bottom line is that empathy is a natural part of me. I could chalk all this up to semantics but in my experience, people really embody the term empathy. This spiritual actualization deserves a closer look.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Deconstructing the Highly Sensitive Person: Part Two

Earlier I wrote the first part of this blog series, you can find it here. This blog is more of a personal nature. I examined the archetypal empath from many perspectives, mostly scientific and psychological, but there was very little of an actual HSP inside. This blog is the other half. The yin to it's yang.

A more apt title would probably be: Confessions of  a Highly Sensitive Person

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Spare some change?

“Change is the essence of life.Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”
-Mahatma Ghandi

The word 'change' frightens many people. Maybe it's because of its connection to the word 'chaos', maybe it's because of humanity's innate fear of the unknown. Let's be honest here, we're all afraid that one day, we'll wake up and our life as we know it will be turned on its head. People naturally prefer the safety and comfort of what they know over the vast, deep, dark unknown.

Here's an interesting fact about change, though: add the word 'life' as a prefix, and suddenly it becomes much less terrifying. This simple word, once synonomous with chaos and unpredictability, becomes synonomous with growth and personal development. If stagnation is the greatest enemy of mankind, most of us seek that one experience in life that 'throws open the doors' so to speak. Call it what you will: enlightenment, a personal connection to God, the love of your friends and family, or simply the realization that maybe, just maybe, you don't have it as bad as you think. It all boils down to this: we all seek that one pivotal life-changing moment.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Bullying: Reclaiming Your Journey

When I was 16 and in high school, I had a boyfriend come to my door and tell me he was going to run away and commit suicide.  After he left, my parents woke up and found me panicking and made me call the police. Soon after that the police pulled me out of class to talk to me.  It was then that I found out he was a chronic runaway who was heavily abused....and that he wasn't going to kill himself.  So they wanted his whereabouts.

Because of what I did, I became a pariah amongst my friends.  I was ostracized and gossiped about.  And it reached its pinnacle one day at lunch right by the main office of the school.  A group of about 20 students from the crowd I hung out with came up to me simply to tell me what a piece of crap I was.

I stood there, with one friend by my side, while these people verbally ripped me to shreds.  And the only thing I can say is that I never once let them see me cry, even though it crushed me like nothing else had up until that time.  I stood my ground and only let loose a torrent of tears after they were away from me and couldn't see me shed them.  This was because I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing just how much they had wounded me.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Journey To Closure

Recent events in my life have brought me to the point where I must acknowledge I am searching for solace and am in need of closure. And it's had me a broader sense...of how each of us comes to a point in our lives where we are forced to seek closure to toxic relationships and oppressive situations. These relationships and situations do nothing but tear us down, slowly eroding our self esteem, our personal boundaries, and most important of all, our emotional stability and mental health.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Lying and The Empathic Truthsayer

The Truthsayer

An interesting byproduct of being highly empathic seems to be that one can become a sort of truthsayer...or living lie detector.  What this means is that the highly empathic person can easily discern whether or not a person is telling the truth or not and if they are dissembling in respect to motives, feelings and/or beliefs.

This byproduct, as it were, seems to be derived from the Empath's ability to read another person's emotions and emotional states.  In other words, because a highly empathic person is well attuned toward sensing and feeling the overall emotional state of all of those around themselves, almost constantly, the person in question begins to develop a deeper interpersonal intelligence.  Interpersonal intelligence is, by definition, the ability to interact with others, understand them, and interpret their behavior.  Individuals who exhibit a level of interpersonal intelligence,  have the particular ability to perceive the moods, temperaments, motivations and intentions of others.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Trust & Empathy

On this website, we often talk about empathy and all of the different issues that are associated with it, directly or indirectly. One such issue, we generally only touch upon indirectly, is that of trust. You see, empathy and trust go hand in hand as a platform for effective communication, understanding and relationships.

Empathy is about understanding another person's point of view. And part of the empathic process is about establishing trust through listening, without judgment, and offering understanding, even when one personally disagrees with the other person. All of this is done in order to develop a rapport with another person, in order to interact with them on equal footing.

In earnestly listening, without judgment, and offering understanding to the other person, even if we personally disagree with them, we offer them a level of respect as we communicate effectively with them. And respect, by meeting others on equal footing, is a basis for establishing both trust and empathy.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Emotional Exploration Of The Empath

As an Empath, I've always been fascinated with the complete array of emotions that exist and can be expressed within the human life cycle.  Watching as emotions, whether consciously realized or not, beget actions and reactions.

I believe, for our own personal benefit and development, it is very important to have an understanding of all of these emotions and how we are affected by them, because we tend to be so sensitive toward them.  So let's take a look at them, so that we can learn to identify each emotion and it's meaning, as well as, how it affects us, as Empaths.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Empaths: The Hero's Journey

A lovely woman asked me recently for a story about something called "The Hero's Journey".  And this got me thinking about how this archetype applies to those who are Empaths.  So I thought it might be interesting to explore this topic in more detail.  So let's delve into it a bit, shall we?

The Archetype

Firstly, before we delve deeper into this subject, we must understand exactly what an archetype is.  Wikipedia describes it as:
An archetype is an original model of a person, ideal example, or a prototype upon which others are copied, patterned, or emulated; a symbol universally recognized by all. In psychology, an archetype is a model of a person, personality, or behavior. 
In philosophy, archetypes since Plato at least, refer to ideal forms of the perceived or sensible things or types. 
In the analysis of personality, the term archetype is often broadly used to refer to

  1. a stereotype—personality type observed multiple times, especially an oversimplification of such a type,
  2. an epitome—personality type exemplified, especially the "greatest" such example
  3. a literary term to express details.
Archetype refers to a generic version of a personality. In this sense "mother figure" may be considered an archetype and may be identified in various characters with otherwise distinct (non-generic) personalities. 
Archetypes are likewise supposed to have been present in folklore and literature for thousands of years, including prehistoric artwork. The use of archetypes to illuminate personality and literature was advanced by Carl Jung early in the 20th century, who suggested the existence of universal contentless forms that channel experiences and emotions, resulting in recognizable and typical patterns of behavior with certain probable outcomes.
In essence, an archetype is a prototype or model from which something is based.  As it said, an archetype is a generic form used to represent personalities.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Deconstructing the Highly Sensitve Person: Part One

There are a great many perspectives to take when it comes to Highly Sensitive People and Empaths. For one, you can see it through a psychic lens, watching the flow of energy from one point to another, or you can view it through a religious lens, the ability of discernment. However, for the scope of this blog, I'll take a scientific and psychological perspective. I'll break down the causes and effects of being Highly Sensitive, as well as examine exactly how it all works to make one empathic, as opposed to empathetic.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

The Abusive Empath

In the blog The Abused Empath we talked about Empaths who have a tendency to come from abusive situations, be it from a home life, a loved one, or even a stranger. We talked about the potential long term effects that abuse can have on people.

In the same vein, I think it is equally important to talk about the other side of this through the Abusive Empath. Now I know this kind of seems like an oxymoron, given what most people presume an Empath is. How can they be abusive? Aren't they more likely, as people who are hypersensitive people pleasers, to be abused instead?

But we come back to the most basic fact which is that Empaths are human beings who go through any number of life long human experiences which carry with them the potential to condition them into certain kinds of behaviors. So we are going to explore this uncomfortable topic in more detail, because it is an important one to understand.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Crossing the bridge of pain

Every step on this bridge is so hard to take.. It looks like it sucks my energy and my legs are so heavy to lift. The closer I get the painful this journey has become. This bridge, how long it will take to cross? Flames and then blizzards, there is no end to this.. But I must hold on, I will try to take one more step and one more step.. and one step at a time ..I will cross the bridge.

This mist will melt when flames come.. Snow will fall to cool me then.. I suffered every minute to cross this goal..  I blamed my self and blamed every one... I saw me in reflections around me.. I never closed my eyes to look inside me.. I looked down up on myself, I stood in line with ones that made me... And I see the one who pained me.. Hmm alas its none other than me..

Pain is something no one can avoid, if they are born in this world. Pain is not something that you choose to worship. It takes a lot of time to find peace with your pain. But it is important to know, what is soaking your feet.. It's important to become free from the pain itself. Don't stand in the line with others to sympathize, comment, ridicule, hate or anything likes..Don't be a burden to your own self..

Be one with your self.. Its OK to be you.. It's better if you are some one better than you are . Cross the bridge of pain..

Remembering every one who helped me to find my peace.. in love

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Empaths: The Mourning After

Recently people have come to me with questions about grieving.  They've asked how one gets over the lose of someone they love.  How does one move on from a breakup with a loved one?  How does one move beyond mourning when a loved one passes away? How does one walk away, effectively cutting a connection, when friends become toxic and disparaging?

I'd like to say this is an Empath issue, because people who are emotionally hypersensitive feel this kind of pain more acutely than others, in a much deeper way.  But alas, this is not so.  Everyone suffers this whether it is through death, breakup or the end of a friendship.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

A Short Story

"GOD THIS SUCKS!" I screamed. "The stupid game is rigged. I can't win." My roomate looked at me, paused a second, and said "Hey, don't you have to get to work soon?" She was right. "Just... just one more game. I've almost got this."
"You're going to be late again."
"I hate my job, so I'm blowing off steam."

Thursday, January 13, 2011

The Raging Battle Within

I recently wrote a blog about fear, and the fear of failure.

What I failed to mention was what I did with all the time I had leftover that I could've been using to study and do homework, or even a part-time job.

In psychology, humans have a very famous response to stressors: the fight or flight response.

In this case, I chose the latter. I chose to run.

Since I couldn't literally run anywhere, I ran emotionally. I'd sit down to my homework, and get worked up and anxious. I'd close it, and watch endless youtube videos for hours. I purchased more video games in my first semester of college than I ever have before. My game program counts the number of hours spent playing a certain game. With just games that use this program, I've played 402 hours of games. If I played all the way through without stopping, that's over two weeks. And video games make up just a small portion of the many things I did to escape my fears.

Failure, Fear, and Being Empathic

For months before I left for college, I was horribly horribly anxious. I would put off any and all work that needed to be done to even get into college. I did no searching for scholarships. I put very little effort into the admission form and papers. I did just what was necessary to send it back. I was always so scared of not getting in, so scared I wouldn't get into college, and end up homeless, living in a box, under a bridge, starving to death.

That was my greatest fear: living in a cardboard box, under a bridge, starving to death. No job, no friends or family, no food. Slowly wasting away, alone.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Empaths & Empathy: The Human Factor

In a perfect world an Empath would fit the ideal of what it's supposed to be.  It would be someone completely altruistic who, because they feel the emotions of others and are sensitive to the emotional states of others, offers whatever help is needed with complete understanding and without reserve (concern to the self).

They would have unflagging patience, even when others make mistakes, get angry, get frustrated or just have a bad day.  There would be no sorrow or upset if someone else lashes out at them.  There would be no arguing or fighting because they would be peace makers, mediators, and the best of confidants.

And all of this would happen without any detriment to the Empath, because they would be well balanced between personal life and working with others.  Their emotional states would be well balanced and their lives in great harmony to allow this to occur.

But.....we don't live in a perfect world where any of these things are truly possible.  Instead we face the daily grind of life full of repetitive and mundane tasks that are necessary to see us survive.  Work, bills, social interactions, and other stressers permeate our lives.  We are inundated, through the media, with violence and abuses the world over.  And often times, we are not in harmony with those around us that we socialize with.  We fight, we argue, we bicker, we get angry, we cry, and yes, we even love.

That is the daily life of most people, in whatever variation it comes in.  And that is the daily life of most Empaths, as well.  Rarely do you find a lifetime that differs and/or deviates from that path in to many ways.