Saturday, January 29, 2011

A Short Story

"GOD THIS SUCKS!" I screamed. "The stupid game is rigged. I can't win." My roomate looked at me, paused a second, and said "Hey, don't you have to get to work soon?" She was right. "Just... just one more game. I've almost got this."
"You're going to be late again."
"I hate my job, so I'm blowing off steam."

Thursday, January 13, 2011

The Raging Battle Within

I recently wrote a blog about fear, and the fear of failure.

What I failed to mention was what I did with all the time I had leftover that I could've been using to study and do homework, or even a part-time job.

In psychology, humans have a very famous response to stressors: the fight or flight response.

In this case, I chose the latter. I chose to run.

Since I couldn't literally run anywhere, I ran emotionally. I'd sit down to my homework, and get worked up and anxious. I'd close it, and watch endless youtube videos for hours. I purchased more video games in my first semester of college than I ever have before. My game program counts the number of hours spent playing a certain game. With just games that use this program, I've played 402 hours of games. If I played all the way through without stopping, that's over two weeks. And video games make up just a small portion of the many things I did to escape my fears.

Failure, Fear, and Being Empathic

For months before I left for college, I was horribly horribly anxious. I would put off any and all work that needed to be done to even get into college. I did no searching for scholarships. I put very little effort into the admission form and papers. I did just what was necessary to send it back. I was always so scared of not getting in, so scared I wouldn't get into college, and end up homeless, living in a box, under a bridge, starving to death.

That was my greatest fear: living in a cardboard box, under a bridge, starving to death. No job, no friends or family, no food. Slowly wasting away, alone.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Empaths & Empathy: The Human Factor

In a perfect world an Empath would fit the ideal of what it's supposed to be.  It would be someone completely altruistic who, because they feel the emotions of others and are sensitive to the emotional states of others, offers whatever help is needed with complete understanding and without reserve (concern to the self).

They would have unflagging patience, even when others make mistakes, get angry, get frustrated or just have a bad day.  There would be no sorrow or upset if someone else lashes out at them.  There would be no arguing or fighting because they would be peace makers, mediators, and the best of confidants.

And all of this would happen without any detriment to the Empath, because they would be well balanced between personal life and working with others.  Their emotional states would be well balanced and their lives in great harmony to allow this to occur.

But.....we don't live in a perfect world where any of these things are truly possible.  Instead we face the daily grind of life full of repetitive and mundane tasks that are necessary to see us survive.  Work, bills, social interactions, and other stressers permeate our lives.  We are inundated, through the media, with violence and abuses the world over.  And often times, we are not in harmony with those around us that we socialize with.  We fight, we argue, we bicker, we get angry, we cry, and yes, we even love.

That is the daily life of most people, in whatever variation it comes in.  And that is the daily life of most Empaths, as well.  Rarely do you find a lifetime that differs and/or deviates from that path in to many ways.